The new law will remove restrictions on cigarettes, drugs, and alcohol as well as provide tax incentives for seniors who bungee jump off of cliffs. (Courtesy: Onion.) Said Speaker Boehner: "This bill enables our 'job creators' and corporate citizens to avail themselves of the best and the brightest college grad workforce while at the same time slashing costly healthcare and pension benefits as the longevity of our population steadily declines. It's a 'WIN-WIN' for the 'job creators' and corporations, and ... uh, undertakers. Or, to build upon former Rep. Grayson's statement on the House floor, the Republican entitlements reform policy is, DIE QUICKLY, DIE OFTEN, and DIE EARLY."
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