Chief: "The hell with this, I'm taking that casino gig!"
(Local Fake Wires) Chief Illiniwek, embattled symbol of the University of Illinois, resigned unexpectedly Saturday afternoon. His departure, while expected at the end of the season due to NCAA pressure, was appararently prompted by the dismal performance of the team in Saturday's 33-0 loss. The chief stated, "you want me to dance in buckskins and bare feet in November when we can't even get the ball over midfield against [expletive deleted] Rutgers? RUTGERS? The hell with this, I'm taking that casino gig!"
Sources close to the chief report that he has agreed to a two-year contract to serve as a greeter at an undisclosed Native American casino in Wisconsin, and will offer a "Chief-ercize" dance class at the casino's hotel spa.
Chief Illiniwek, in Happier Times
2 comments:
I won't miss him at all.
What we do need, however, is more drunk guys in green suites and funny hats dancing on the sidelines! Those silly little leprechuans really improve my otherwise poor image of the pope's school.
As a rule, all mascots should be required to kill and eat (raw of course) an animal of at least half their weight. This will put the University of Chicago is a tight spot.
Anyone catch former Illini Dave Diehl's little video intro on Sunday Night Football? For his school, he stated "University of Chief Illiniwek". Not sure how I feel about that....
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