White House Email Proves Karl Rove is Satan
(AP) Sources close to Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald's office have confirmed that emails recently released by the White House conclusively show that presidential advisor Karl Rove (pictured left) is indeed Satan, prince of darkness. In a series of communications between Rove and Judith Miller of the New York Times, the reporter confirmed that she was serving "Beelzebub, my dark lord" and the "soulless destroyer of virtue."
When asked for comment, a member of Fitzgerald's staff stated that "we always had our suspicions, but we needed Judy to give us the proof. Initially, Rove's Secret Service code name, `Lucifer,' tipped us off, and there was always that peculiar smell of burning sulphur around him, but we just didn't have the hard evidence until now."
While it is expected that Rove will be indicted on several charges stemming from the Valerie Plame affair, Fitzgerald's office indicated that no further charges will result from the fact that Rove is the demonic enemy of goodness. "We've looked at this really closely, and there simply are no applicable federal laws or regulations that prohibit an apostate of hell or any incarnation of evil from serving as a senior member of the president's staff," said the source. "In addition, throughout this investigation, Mr. Rove has never denied that he was Satan."
The White House also confirmed that in response to a subpoena, it had produced the bill of sale for the president's soul. Investigators recovered similar receipts for soul sale transactions from Rove's office, including those signed by "Friends" star Matt LeBlanc, "singer" Ashlee Simpson and drugged-out radio host Rush Limbaugh.
(AP) Sources close to Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald's office have confirmed that emails recently released by the White House conclusively show that presidential advisor Karl Rove (pictured left) is indeed Satan, prince of darkness. In a series of communications between Rove and Judith Miller of the New York Times, the reporter confirmed that she was serving "Beelzebub, my dark lord" and the "soulless destroyer of virtue."When asked for comment, a member of Fitzgerald's staff stated that "we always had our suspicions, but we needed Judy to give us the proof. Initially, Rove's Secret Service code name, `Lucifer,' tipped us off, and there was always that peculiar smell of burning sulphur around him, but we just didn't have the hard evidence until now."
While it is expected that Rove will be indicted on several charges stemming from the Valerie Plame affair, Fitzgerald's office indicated that no further charges will result from the fact that Rove is the demonic enemy of goodness. "We've looked at this really closely, and there simply are no applicable federal laws or regulations that prohibit an apostate of hell or any incarnation of evil from serving as a senior member of the president's staff," said the source. "In addition, throughout this investigation, Mr. Rove has never denied that he was Satan."
The White House also confirmed that in response to a subpoena, it had produced the bill of sale for the president's soul. Investigators recovered similar receipts for soul sale transactions from Rove's office, including those signed by "Friends" star Matt LeBlanc, "singer" Ashlee Simpson and drugged-out radio host Rush Limbaugh.
1 comment:
They always get you with the email.
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